22 Apr If You’re an Iranian Nuclear Scientist, Stop Daydreaming and Just Kill Yourself
Imagine you’re sitting in the grid-locked streets of Tehran just trying to get home so you can bang your wife (oh wait, are they allowed to do that in Iran?). As your penis fills with blood from all the naughty thoughts, you hear the slight thud of rare earth magnets adhering to your vehicle door.
At that moment a motorcycle passes by, but you never notice, because motorcyclists driving between cars in high-traffic areas is the norm. You look around and think, “Maybe the motorcyclist’s knee hit my door?” “Maybe the thud came from the car next to me, jeez, can that guy stick his finger any further up his nose?” Then your thoughts default back to normal, like most men, to what’s really important – doggy style or reverse cowboy tonight? Then you explode. I mean, then your car explodes.
It’s easy, especially in traffic, to become completely unaware of your surroundings. Driving for long stretches of time or stuck in traffic puts drivers into a hypnosis-like state, which is the perfect time to kill somebody or be killed.
Vanderbilt University discovered that recalling a visual memory can temporarily “contaminate” your current vision. For example, you see a former girlfriend walking down the street and reminisce about her great ass, how it felt, looked, bounced – or you hear an old song on the radio that reminds you of parachute pants you wore at a high school dance.
There is no doubt in my mind that the assassins understand this phenomenon and use it to their advantage. It’s genius really – because you have streets full of cars and people during broad daylight, but very few witnesses can really say exactly what happened. Why? Because they all are contaminating their vision with all kinds of dirty thoughts – bad Iranians, bad!
So Who Would Do Such Horrific Attacks?
The Mossad are probably the culprits and geniuses behind these attacks – or some counter-government group, like MeK within Iran, that Israel or the United States are training, paying, and directing from border countries, like Iraq…hmmm. Either way, they are doing a BANG up job killing nuclear scientists.
Let’s Look Closer at the Tactics
The attackers weave their way through traffic with disguise in place (a helmet), attach a limpet-like explosive on the target vehicle door, and keep on motoring – never looking back – and then the limpet detonates, killing the target.
In an attack like this, there is more than meets the eye. The attackers have to know the target’s POL, or Pattern of Life. POL is defined as a target’s hourly and daily habits, routes he or she drives, and when and where they go. To collect this information, days and most of the time, weeks of surveillance must be conducted. Once POL is determined, then the surveillance team can identify the target’s vulnerabilities. In this case, “while driving and distracted” and “traffic” are the two common denominators in all the attacks.
The leg work paid off because this method was used successfully four times in a row!
The Trigger Man
The explosions always occur shortly after the placement of the limpet. My guess – there is a trigger man sitting at a cafe or in a car within visual range of both the target and predesignated place of attack. Once the limpet is attached, the limpet is visually secure and attached to the target vehicle, and the motorcyclist clear of danger, the trigger man detonates the limpet via mobile phone or a radio frequency transmitter of some sort. The trigger man probably witnesses the entire event and reports an accurate a battle damage assessment (BDA) to the rest of the team.
If you’re an Iranian nuclear scientist, stop daydreaming and just kill yourself. You don’t have much to look forward to. All you’re doing is impeding traffic and preventing good hard-working Iranians from getting home for dinner.
Which of the 100 Deadly Skills are the assassins using, and which ones are the Iranian nuclear scientists ignoring…at their own peril?
(Featured Image Courtesy: Flickr Hive)